


Replaceable

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Chimney struggles with the arrival of his brother.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	Replaceable

“Why are your eyes so red?”

Chimney sighed as he glanced up at his girlfriend and then quickly looked back down at the empty shot glass in front of him. 

He had been struggling a lot lately. He felt as though he was drowning, and he hated himself for it. His life was good - he had a girlfriend who made him happy, a job he loved and he was surrounded by people he felt at home with. It didn’t make sense that the sudden appearance of the brother he didn’t know, would trigger something inside him he didn’t even know existed. 

Why he craved the love and attention of a man who had never shown him an ounce of either of those things, he would never fully understand. Albert had turned up unannounced, fully expecting to be welcomed with open arms by the brother who had never been extended the same courtesy from the very family Albert was running away from. Didn’t he realise he had everything Chimney wanted? An alive mother who adored him, a father who stuck around, a home to call his own. 

Only he hadn’t realised just how deep the jealousy went until there he was. On his birthday. Another thing he could take from him, as though he hadn’t taken enough. 

As every day passed, he felt himself drifting away from those he loved. His best friends, his family, they all adored Albert, they defended him, enjoyed spending time with him. Was he truly so easy to replace? They were so enamoured with his brother, he couldn’t be certain they paid any attention to the way he withdrew himself. 

And then there was Maddie, who fully believed he somehow owed it to Albert to be the best big brother he could be. As though the younger Han didn’t have enough. As though he hadn’t taken enough from him just by being born good enough. Unlike him. That was always his problem, he supposed, he was never enough for anyone. 

When Maddie put her hand on his back, he flinched away and saw her step back out the corner of his eye. Was she crying? He gathered the courage he needed to look at her, gulping when he saw that she was. “Maybe I should go?” She finally whispered, her voice full of doubt and hope, as though she wanted him to turn around and ask her to stay. 

“Maybe you should.” He shrugged, putting his head in his hands as he sighed. 

He could hear her grabbing her bag from the side, her heels clicking against the floor before she paused. There was silence and he wondered if he had somehow missed the sound of the door closing before she finally spoke, her voice quiet, “Do you want to break up?”

That was enough to make him look up, and he quickly stood. The thought of losing her, brought the tears to the surface once again and he quickly rubbed his eyes in an attempt to stop them. He should have known she would leave too, everyone else did. Eventually. “Do you?” 

“Don’t put this on me, Howard. I’ve been here, I’ve been trying to get you to open up to me, I’ve shown up every single day and for the past two weeks all you’ve done is see through me. So, do you? Because you won’t even touch me, you won’t... you barely even look at me and I thought we were in a good place. I don’t understand what happened!” Her voice was getting louder, her voice cracking as she looked at him, waiting for some kind of explanation. 

Instead, he just stared at her, his mouth opening and closing again. Only to jump when she shouted, “Howard!” 

“He has everything I ever wanted and he still thinks it’s okay to turn up here and ask for my help.” She sighed, and stepped towards him, dropping her bag on the side before she lifted a hand to his face, gently stroking at his tear stained cheek. 

“Why are you taking this out on me? I could have been there for you.”

“Because you don’t understand. You love Buck, you know him, you practically raised him so you just see Albert as my naive younger brother who needs me. You don’t realise.” 

Her arms were around him, even though he had expected her to walk away. Her head in his neck and her eyes closed as she took a deep breath. “Talk to me then, because holding it in isn’t doing you any good.” 

With a bitter laugh, Chimney nodded, knowing she was right. If he wasn’t drinking, he was crying, and if he wasn’t doing either of those things he was thinking of what his life could have been if he was Albert. Feeling sorry for himself as he realised just how much he longed for a family to call his own. 

“Okay...” He gently wrapped his hands around either of her shoulders to pull her back so he could look into her eyes, probably for the first time since his brother had shown up, “But I’m trying to figure out how I feel too so please don’t hate me or judge me for what I’m about to say... I can’t lose you, too.” 

She didn’t say anything, but she nodded, the concern in her eyes enough for that moment to make him feel as though he was in a safe place.


End file.
